Life is strange... sometimes, in little details we can see things. Sometimes I wich I could not pay attention on details... and just see what I would like to see. See only what could please me. I just found out that the person who was I thought that would like to be with me, in a long term, in London, doesnt think like that. I mean... I know this person wants long term relationship but for what I can see this person doesnt really believe things will work out. If so, the behavior would be different. I dont know what is going to happen in the other side of the world, but definitly that is not for me just a tourism trip. For me it is the chance of changing my life... the chance of having a new life. And I will do everything I can for this change being along the person I want to live my life with.

I bet the next month will be tough, as the trip is comming and I all that expectation comming together may blur somethings some talks, make misuderstandings. And I will have to be ready for this. Like with my mom, who tends to behave in an attacking way when what she would like to do is just hug me and say that loves me and will miss me. Well... maybe thats why I act the same.

Weeks ago I said things would be different but I seem not remember that anymore. Guess I have to say to myself everyday that in fact I am alone. The more I could be with someone, I am always alone. And I should stop counting on others.

All that electronic thing was not bothering me anymore because I was thinking, what the heck, I AM moving, you know? So... ok I wont be graduated now, but the thing that I was thinking about changing my life and building a new thing. And that idea makes me nervous, the idea of not having as much comfort as I have at home, the idea of having a life with more money problems than the ones I already have here... that scares me. The idea of being iliegally in a country... scares me a lot.

Sometimes I think... why going to England? Why going to some place far away from home to deal with people I dont know to have minor jobs... not eat healthy and good food. What am I doing????

I know the idea of living with someone scaries me. In another hand I cant wait for that to happen. You know? All that sharing thing. Waking up together everyday. Sharing meals. Sharing laughs and tears. All that picture seduces me.

I wouldnt be with someone jut for being... I believe if I decide taking a serious step it will be done with someone I believe in, someone I trust, someone for whom I would have real and deep feelings.

I sent an email for the shelter city asking them to change my stay dates. Hope they change it.